December 10, 2007

Wisdom from a Friend…Todd & Rebekah Coons on Dating

Written by Boyd Bailey


Colossians 3:1-17
Christ commands for our sinful self to be put to death, “Put to death therefore, whatever belongs to the earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed” (Colossians 3:5). Once we surrender and allow Christ to put to death the old self we are to be consumed by the new self Christ has for us, “Put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge and in the image of its Creator” (Col. 3:9). This new self is a life characterized by “Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” (Col. 3:12,13) Ultimately our mind should be so consumed with Christ that it naturally filters out what is not honoring to Him.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20
Our bodies are the temple of God. They are special and bought with the ultimate act of love… the death of Christ. We are to honor Him by preserving what He died by abstaining from sexual immorality. “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own: you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Philippians 4:8
We are called to be consumed by the thoughts of Christ and are to dictate our lives.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Inevitably a life characterized by these traits will lead to a life of peace.


Our mission is to glorify God in everything that we do. We seek to specifically honor and glorify Him in relating to each other throughout the process of our relationship.


Our purpose is to strive to serve and honor each other while seeking God’s best for the relationship. Throughout this process we will continue to grow to a deeper level with each other.


Our strategy is to honor and protect each other’s whole person (emotions and body) while seeking God’s best for our lives.


• Spiritual

“We pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power in according to his glorious might so you may have great endurance.” Colossians 1:10,11

Commit to spending time in the Word daily and working on our personal relationship with God
Commit to specifically praying for the relationship and each other
Commit to memorize scripture together, starting at one verse a week

• Time

“May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful.” 1 Thessalonians 1:23

Weekday Time: Set a ending time at the beginning of the evening
Commit to never stay out together past 12:00 AM
Weekend Time: Set an ending time at the beginning of the evening
Commit never to stay out together past 2:00 AM
Group Function: Commit to only spend 30 minute alone after the function
Plan: Have a specific plan on how we are going to spend our time together

• Space

“Flee the evil desire of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” 2 Timothy 2:2

Commit to never be in a house or apartment alone
Commit to never be alone in a bedroom
If alone in another room, leave door open
Commit to never lie down together
Commit to have a light on in a movie

• Emotional

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life…let your eyes look straight ahead and fix your gaze directly before you” Proverbs 4:23, 24

Protect each others emotions by being cautious and thoughtful in our words and actions
Commit to not refer to the far future too soon
Commit to being conscious and purposeful in encouragement and expression of love languages
Commit to not talk about anything sexual or suggestive
Commit to not be sole confidant on deep issues, with others (accountability partners, parents) not being confided in as well
Commit to limiting prayer time alone together

• Physical

“Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship” Romans 12:1

Commit to no French kissing or kissing for long periods of time
Commit to no kissing on a couch or secluded places
No kissing in a car
Commit to keeping hands in proper places
Limit hugging for extended periods of time

• Accountability

“The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out”
Proverbs 18:15

Seek accountability from peers and older mentors
Give accountability partners a copy this document
Openly communicate about the relationship:
Have them ask specific questions
Keep them informed on what will happen during time together

We agree to the above written document.


  1. Andy Thoms says:

    Just being married, I must say that the foundation you lay prior to marriage can help build an amazing life with your best friend. I wish more couples would focus on the foundation so that they can enjoy God’s gift of marriage. Great insight!!!!

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