Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – March 13, 2018
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Psalm 27:13
This morning I opened an old journal from April 2009. My eyes fell on an entry I made a little over five years before I married for the first time at 46, and a few years before I became acquainted with my husband.
During this season in my early forties, it hit me hard that my dreams of having a family were not going to come to pass—at least the way I hoped—and I was heartbroken.
“I woke this morning, curled into a small ball on my left side, stared through the blinds into the blue sky and poured my heart out to God.
I’m lonely, Lord. I stopped wondering a long time ago if You had punished me for my past relational choices. I stopped asking questions about the past. And then I decided to trust you with what I don’t understand. I received Your love and let it be okay.
But it still hurts.
Whereas before I counted years, now I’ve started counting months until my next birthday. I’m already a third of the way to 42. The dream of marrying is making a slow death in my heart, and what frightens me is that I don’t have the emotional energy to want anymore.
I look at others like my friend Jenn, who met the love of her life when she was young and had a family. I’m too old now. She has a family. She is loved. I always wanted to be loved, and to have a little girl and a husband. Being alone really hurts sometimes.
I’m crying now. My heart aches. But I will trust in You, Lord. Please help me to trust You.”
I don’t share this with you to be a bummer. I am sharing it as a reminder that our emotions aren’t good indicators of how our stories will be written. We never know how God will intervene in our darkest times to bring us great joy in a way we hadn’t anticipated.
Imagine how the disciples felt in their darkest hour after Jesus’ crucifixion. Their Lord had died and with Him, their dreams. What a sense of loss they must have felt!
But our emotions don’t tell the story of how God will bring redemption into our lives. They don’t tell how the light of His love will shine brightly once more and warm our broken hearts. They can’t foresee the future or predict God’s surprises. That is why in our darkest times we must choose to trust the Lord and His heart, even when all seems lost.
I could have never known that just five years after I wrote this that I would marry the love of my life. And I would have never known that nine years later I would become a grandmother to a beautiful baby boy.
Trust Him even though your feelings may be telling you that all is lost. He knows what He is doing—and you are greatly loved.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).
PrayerLord, I praise you that you are at work in my life even when it seems you aren’t. Help me to trust you through times of sadness and heartache. Amen.
ApplicationShare about how the Lord has brought you through times of heartache with someone today.
Related ReadingPsalm 56:13; Psalm 31:19; John 14:27
Post/Tweet todayEmotions are not always the best indicator of God’s best plan for us. #WisdomHunters #TrustHim
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