April 6, 2018

Season of Separation

Written by Boyd Bailey

Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – April 6, 2018

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife”.  Proverbs 21:9

Sometimes a husband and wife need a season of separation, working toward reconciliation as the ultimate outcome. Things have gotten so bad that hatred has a hold on the home. Couples who do not communicate, and who chronically agitate one another are not healthy. Love and respect has been lost on the altar of anger and ego. They need a revival of their original marriage vows to love unselfishly.

“It [love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

You may be tolerating one another while the children are home, but covertly you both have an exit strategy once you experience an ‘empty nest’. Do you really want to live this way? Is this honoring to the Lord, your children and your marriage? If your relationship suffers from the cancer of caustic conversation, take measures now to remove its deadly influence. If ignored it will eat away your character, influence, peace and joy.

Pride is the largest single contributor to a contentious couple. Neither one wants to take responsibility for their role in the marriage. Blame never restored a marriage, only “I’m sorry”, “Please forgive me”, “I was wrong”, or “Let’s work this out” can do that. Separation is meant to give you space to experience God’s grace, and then relentlessly extend it back to your spouse.

“Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).

Satan would like to take you from separation to divorce, but your Savior specializes in facilitating reconciliation out of separation. Each one of you is to bow in humility on your knees and come clean with Christ, so you can be reunited in love and forgiveness. Allow the Lord to love you so you can love like Him, bold and beautiful. Are you willing to let go of your list of demands and replace it with acceptance and love? Wounded couples who seek healing, can come home to a culture of humility and happiness.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2).

 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, humble my heart to become a part of the solution and not be controlled by the problem of my pride, in Jesus’ name, amen.

Application

Consider attending a marriage intensive with Center for Relational Care. This five day experience transformed our marriage into a new level of love and intimacy built on Christ!

Related Reading

Proverbs 12:4; Proverbs 15:17; Acts 10:9; 1 John 4:11

Post/Tweet today

Blame never restored a marriage, only “I’m sorry”, “Please forgive me”, “I was wrong”, or “Let’s work this out”, can do that. #seasonofseparation #WisdomHunters

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Comments

  1. Scott says:

    What happens if one spouse is willing to do anything with the intent to reconcile and the other one does not appear to have reconciliation as the goal? I feel like separation with the hope of reconcilation will only work if both spouses are willing to try to come back together. Otherwise it runs the path of divorce. Am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong.

    1. Gwynne says:

      Dear Scott,
      Thank you for reaching out to us with your tough and humble questions. I am sure these were not easy questions to ask and I realize that you and your family must be going through a challenging time. With that being said, I am so thankful your heavenly Father, who loves you and your spouse more than we can even comprehend, is walking right beside you and feels your pain, too.
      You cannot not change your spouse’s heart, but you can pray to the One who can. Pray for God to work a mighty work in her heart and as you do, cling to Him for strength, courage and hope.

      “Humble yourself before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” James 4:10

      When Boyd writes about a season of separation, it could mean physical separation but it also can mean a separation from the mean words, complaints and bitterness – a “truce” of sorts. This could be a time to step back from the bitter words and/or apathy and turn it all over to God and pray that the Holy Spirit refreshes your words (and hers) and breathes new energy into a dormant love.
      Scott, I would pray for protection, too, for your marriage and your spouse from the evil one that wants, more than anything, to see this marriage die. Put on that armor, Scott, and pray for protection and strength against this enemy!

      “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
      Ephesians 6:12-13

      Sadly, I realize how hard this is and at times, it may seem futile. But, look what is at stake here and keep up the good fight. HE will supply the strength and courage you will need, just ask Him.

      “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

      Scott, I will be praying for you and your spouse in the days ahead. Please let me know how things are going (gwynne@wisdomhunters.com). In the meantime, continue to cling to the One who wants you to feel His Presence and Love especially in the hard times. And in the process, Praise Him for His ever-faithfulness!

      Believing and trusting~
      Gwynne

      “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
      He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
      He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
      He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
      Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.”
      Psalm 40:1-3


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