“Asking the right questions is a key to developing vulnerability in any relationship.”
Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – March 12, 2021
But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Asking the right questions is a key to developing vulnerability in any relationship, whether with your spouse, your children, your friends, or your coworkers. Don’t ask questions that intrude or make anyone feel nervous and exposed. Ask the kind of questions that will draw them out of their protective shell so they can reveal what’s really going on inside.
Here are three questions my wife Rita and I are attempting to work into our conversations with each other:
At first, I struggled with the word feel, because feelings can be dangerous, and sharing them even with my wife might reveal more than I want to reveal. But they’re key to making connection. If I really want to make progress in building a relationship, I need to give emotions their proper place. And hearing the answers to these three questions tells me what I’m doing right with Rita. She might answer something like, “You made me feel loved when you told me about your day—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I was able to connect with your authentic self.” Other times she patiently teaches me what I’m doing wrong. (What I think is working may be totally off the mark!)
You see, asking questions is the key that opens a door to understanding and building healthy relationships. Asking them isn’t always easy and efficient, but it is always effective. Asking questions is the key that opens a door to understanding and building healthy relationships. Are feelings your friend? Or are they your enemy? When you submit your feelings to the Lord and surrender them to His love, you’ve found a way to be a better friend. Acknowledging your feelings can help you build intimacy and understanding with other people. And when you’re honest about your own emotions, others can be more comfortable about being honest with theirs.
So go ahead. Cry when it’s appropriate. Show care and affection. When you can, wear your heart on your sleeve. Believe me, this kind of vulnerability will transform your relationships as well as transform you. And most importantly, when you allow yourself to be loved by God, you have a reservoir of love to draw on in loving others.
Ask God questions like these three:
Vulnerability with God makes it easier to be vulnerable with others. When you aren’t hiding your faults and failings from Him, you don’t have as much need to hide them from people. You can own who you are and more easily overlook the faults of others.
“You are always and dearly loved by God! So robe yourself with virtues of God, since you have been divinely chosen to be holy. Be merciful as you endeavor to understand others, and be compassionate, showing kindness toward all. Be gentle and humble, unoffendable in your patience with others” (Colossians 3:12 TPT).
Heavenly Father, give me the faith and courage to be vulnerable with others, through Christ’s love and in His name I pray, amen.
Who do I need to bravely ask vulnerable questions?
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