December 27, 2022

Free from the Bondage of People Pleasing

Written by Shana Schutte

In Christ there is freedom from every bondage.”

Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – December 27, 2022

That the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. Romans 8:21

Have you ever seen that quote, “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family?” Oh! That one always makes me chuckle. 

Every family is dysfunctional because there aren’t any perfect people in the world. Everyone sins. As a result, every child takes on roles to cope with family dysfunction and to deal with what is going on around them.  

Some children become the Caretaker, Rescuer, Mediator, Scapegoat, Hero, Cheerleader, Nurturer, Power Broker, or Truth Teller—and some of us become the People Pleaser. 

As a sensitive, creative middle kid with a strong-willed older sister and sometimes angry father, I became the latter. According to experts, people-pleasing is a trauma response. 

I have spent numerous hours talking with the Lord about this role I adopted as a kid. I’m grateful I am free from people-pleasing for the most part. The Lord has done amazing work in my heart over the decades. However, when someone hurts me, especially someone in my family who I want to love me, I sometimes find myself feeling small and afraid again, just like that small Idaho, people-pleasing girl. 

If you can relate, I want to share some positive words the Lord dropped into my spirit during a quiet moment with Him. His truth realigned my emotions and—once again—granted me freedom from the bondage of people pleasing. (Don’t you just love how in Him there is liberty?) I hope you are encouraged by what the Lord gave me. 

To try to be someone else to please others is to deny how I made you; it’s to thwart the work I want to do through you, because people pleasers cannot be authentic.

The Accuser’s playbook includes condemnation, to shame you, and to make you feel bad about yourself so you want to stop being who I created you to be.

You must listen to my voice. I am the voice of affirmation and joy. I am the voice that tells you that you are enough. You are enough because everything I make is good. In me, there is no darkness. All that I make has been made in light, including you. Believe me and receive my love.

The more you are rooted in my love, the more you will feel comfortable around others, and the more they will sense my love flowing through you to them.

Shame, self-pity, self-hatred, and people-pleasing block my light and joy in you so that others cannot experience it. You were created to know me and know my love. Believe me. You are enough.

Any voice that shames you, condemns you, or makes you feel bad about yourself is not of me. Turn away from condemning voices and listen to me. I speak truth. In me you could not be more loved. You are enough.

You will not fill every role in others’ lives. You will not connect with every person. You will connect with some, but you will not connect with all. Sometimes you will be someone’s special person. Other times, you will not. The acceptance, or unacceptance of others has nothing to do with your value.

You are enough. You are loved. 

In Christ there is freedom from every bondage. Amen and amen. 

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17).

Prayer

Lord Jesus, how I praise you that because you made me and because everything that you created is good, I have the freedom to be myself. I don’t have to try and please others out of fear. Instead, help me to love others from a place of strength and confidence in you. I love you, Jesus. You are so, so faithful. Amen.


Application

If you struggle with people pleasing, talk with the Lord about his perspective about who you are.


Related Reading

Genesis 50:20; Zephaniah 3:17; Psalm 55:22


Worship Resource

Jesus Culture feat. Kim Walker-Smith: Freedom

 


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