“Forgiveness is voluntary suffering.” Tim Keller
Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – May 15, 2026
Forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Is forgiveness voluntary, and does it require suffering? Tim Keller argues, “Forgiveness, then, is a form of voluntary suffering. In forgiving, rather than retaliating, you make a choice to bear the cost.” Wow, what a big idea! Similar to Jesus bearing the cost of forgiveness for my sin on the cross, I have the opportunity to forgive another, as God in Christ forgives me, by bearing my cross and the pain it brings. My willingness to forgive, even at the cost of my own pain, begins the healing process for me and allows me to pray for the one I have released to the Lord, asking for His love to heal a heart broken by sin and shame. Forgiveness is my voluntary suffering.
The generous mindset of applying relational grace has eternal implications. For instance, if a family member makes choices that are not aligned with Christ-centered living, I face a decision. I can either shun him, hoping that the pain of rejection will lead him back to the Lord, or I can remain relationally engaged by engaging in the difficult process of hard love, forgiving and accepting the valuable soul created in God’s image while still standing firm against sin. Similarly, when a work colleague’s sharp sarcasm and hurtful gossip create a wedge in the relationship, I can choose to respond with anger or to forgive through voluntary suffering that cultivates a humble heart. Keller offers a poignant description of the humility of a forgiver:
“What fuels forgiveness. The gospel supplies two prerequisites: Emotional humility (knowing you are capable of sin, as anyone) and emotional wealth (knowing God’s love makes you secure enough that no one can touch your deepest identity). Without humility, you feel superior and stay bitter. Without security in God’s love, you’re too fragile to absorb the blow.”
So, how do you forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven you? Voluntary suffering sounds noble in principle, but brutal in practice. Here is what it actually looks like in the ordinary terrain of daily life. It looks like a husband who, after a hard day, absorbs his wife’s sharp words without retaliating, choosing to ask what is hurting her rather than defending his own wounded pride. It looks like an adult child who calls an emotionally distant parent, not because the relationship has been repaired, but because forgiveness does not wait for the offender to deserve it.
It looks like writing the name of the person who wronged you on a piece of paper, praying over it specifically and honestly, and doing it again tomorrow when the anger resurfaces, because forgiveness is rarely a single decision and almost always a daily one. It looks like choosing not to rehearse the offense to mutual friends, denying bitterness the audience it needs to grow.
It looks like a man returning to a fractured friendship with no guarantee of reconciliation, simply because his own forgiveness by God demands that he try. Some relationships will be restored. Others will not. But the forgiver walks away free regardless, because voluntary suffering, absorbed in love, is never wasted. Gaze at the cross of Christ, He suffered and forgave, so that you can follow His example in the power of the Holy Spirit. Your voluntary suffering heals.
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times'” (Matthew 18:21-22).
Prayer
Lord, give me the emotional humility to know I am capable of the same sins I struggle to forgive in others, and the emotional security to absorb the blow without losing myself. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Application
Who in your life are you withholding forgiveness from today — and what one step of voluntary suffering will you take toward them this week?
Related Reading
Matthew 6:14-15; Romans 5:8; Colossians 3:13; Hebrews 12:15
Worship Resource
The Red Clay Strays: Forgive
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