“There are times when you can be right or you can have love, but you can’t have both.”
Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – May 10, 2022
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. Psalm 46:5
When I was still single, I went to Wyoming with a former roommate to visit her fiancé, whom I had never met. Before we arrived, she warned me: “He lives in a total bachelor pad. You’ll see. He has a sign hanging over his front door that says, ‘Dust is holding this house together.’ He has an extensive collection of Star Wars characters and two large golden labs.”
When we arrived, I handled everything well: the dust, the large collection of characters from Happy Meals, and the dog hair. I even did well with the stuffed, dead animals hanging on the walls. But I have to admit that I went to bed that night and reflected on how it often seems as if men are from another planet. How in the world do women ever connect with them? The truth is that sometimes they don’t.
But in an effort to connect, a woman may try to mold her man into what she believes he should be, because she’s convinced that she can help him improve—and that he should be better. She’ll tell him how he should dress and comb his hair, what kind of food he should eat, who he should hang out with, and how he should drive. She tells him that he should be more communicative, more tender, more adventurous, more organized, more financially stable, more this, more that.
I once read a short reflection by the late Ruth Bell Graham, wife of Billy Graham, confessing that she had treated her husband this way. Ruth said that her marriage to Billy improved when she realized it was not her job to change him, but God’s.
My grandmother went to heaven almost 8 years ago, but I remember something she used to always say: “Some battles aren’t worth fighting.” They aren’t worth fighting because they rob a woman of the peace of resting and trusting and the joy of surrender and seeing God work. (Not only that, but there are times when you can be right or you can have love, but you can’t have both.)
It can be difficult for a woman to give her husband to God, especially if she isn’t sure the Lord will show up for her, that He will work in her mate’s life to provide her needs. But if she doesn’t let go of trying to control, manipulate, coerce, and prod, she may miss what it means for God to be mighty for her. This doesn’t mean a woman should tolerate any kind of abuse. Doing so is only allowing evil to rule. However, in an otherwise healthy marriage, if she doesn’t let go and let God, she will miss out on seeing the beauty of the Lord working in her husband in ways she can’t by trying to be her husband’s Holy Spirit.
A wise woman knows when to speak and when to hold her tongue. And she also knows that in being a woman of grace she is giving God space to work in the heart of the husband she loves.
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near” (Philippians 4:5).
Lord, thank you that you are at work in my life and in the life of my husband. Help me try to not manipulate or fight him to make him change. Help me to trust Him to you. Amen.
Write your concerns down and trust them to Jesus.
Red Rocks Worship: I Will Trust
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