February 12, 2023

Thoughts for the Single Who Wants to Marry

Written by Shana Schutte

God made singleness. He made marriage. Both are good.”

Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – February 12, 2023

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

Before I married, I longed for a man to hold at night to take the place of my heating pad. I wanted someone who knew me and who accepted me as I am. I wanted a friend for life. However, even though I tried to “do singleness” the right way in hopes that I would find a godly man, marriage eluded me until I was 46. 

Being an older single was confusing in ways I could have never anticipated when I left high school and entered the adult world as a new believer. If you are single and you would like to marry, I want to give you some encouraging words. 

Perhaps you have felt shame in being single. Listen up, friend. There is no shame in being single. There is no shame in being married. You are not second rate if you are single. You are not better if you are married. God made singleness. He made marriage. And wherever you are, there He is. He is in singleness. He is in marriage. He works in the lives and through those who are single. He works in the lives and through those who are married. He loves the single person. He loves the one who is married. He loves you

Perhaps you have felt guilty for wanting marriage. After all, you hear voices saying that you must not want a relationship because you must be satisfied with Christ alone. Granted the Lord wants you to love Him most. But do you remember that in the beginning Adam walked alone in the Garden with God? Adam had the LORD all to himself in the most intimate and untainted relationship possible (Genesis 3:8). But still, God said that it’s not good for man to be alone, even before the fall! (Genesis 2:18). God created you for relationship with Him and with others. He created both and both are good. 

Perhaps you have been confused because you have heard that you must feel completely satisfied in Christ before you marry, almost that you must not even want a relationship. But the Lord created marriage and he placed the desire for relationship inside you. God created relationship with Him and with others. Both are good.

You may also feel that you must be perfect, or all your emotional wounds must be healed before you say, “I do.” Granted, no one is served well through abuse, addiction, narcissism, or manipulation. A level of emotional health is necessary for a healthy marriage. However, you don’t have to be perfect before marrying. And, there is some emotional healing that can only happen in relationship as two people love and honor one another (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Good, intimate relationships are part of how the Lord can heal our emotions and minister to us.  

Perhaps you have felt that God is withholding relationship from you, because after all, you have prayed for marriage, and it has eluded you. With all gentleness, I want to admonish and encourage you: Scripture does not say that God will choose a mate for you. But it does say that if you want to marry, you can marry (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). If you’re single and aren’t convinced that you have a clear calling to celibacy, marriage is not sinful. God has given us free will. I experientially understand that there are numerous cultural complications when it comes to dating and marriage that didn’t exist even 20 years ago. That said, marriage is possible. I’m living proof of that—and I often witness the marriages of older single women that I coach. 

I encourage you. If you want to marry, be intentional. Do what you can to position yourself to receive marriage. Be intentional about your personal growth. Find out if there are any hidden misconceptions, lies, or unproductive dating or relationship patterns that are keeping you from a committed relationship. And remember. . .you are fully and wholly loved now and always—no matter if you are married or single.  

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)


Lord, thank you for the gift of marriage and singleness. I praise you that you are with me now in my singleness. Please give me the wisdom I need to prepare for marriage. And help me to be intentional about finding someone who would be a suitable mate. Amen.


Reach out to a single friend and share what you liked about today’s message.

Related Reading

Mark 10:6-9; Isaiah 62:5; Genesis 5:2

Worship Resource

Patrick Mayberry: How You Love Me


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