March 13, 2022

The Blessing of Humility in Relational Failure

Written by Shana Schutte

Admitting our relational sin also requires confidence that we are loved.”

Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – March 13, 2022

Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. Proverbs 14:29 

We live in a time when people often don’t want to take responsibility for their fractured or broken relationships. It’s a time when we post memes on social media that make statements such as, “If people don’t like you, it’s not you. It’s them” and “Don’t allow someone’s disapproval of you to affect how you feel about yourself.”

While there can be truth in these statements, because there are times when it’s not you, it’s them, and you should never allow someone’s disapproval to make you hate yourself, it seems we are often blame shifters. We fail to consider our own flaws, sins, or poor relationship skills that may have caused our own relationship woes.

I get it. Taking a look at our personal failures and sin can be extremely difficult and unpleasant. It requires great humility and an understanding that maybe all we’re seeing is not all there is, and that maybe our perspective isn’t the only right perspective. And, that perhaps we are affecting others around us in ways we do not comprehend, which has contributed to our relationship troubles. Maybe it is sometimes us and it’s not always them.

Admitting our relational sin also requires confidence that we are loved, and that nothing can stop God from accepting us. And, since we always have His love and acceptance, we have all we need. When we know we are loved unconditionally, when someone confronts us about our sin or shortcomings, or when we blow it relationally . . .even though it can hurt, our failures don’t have to cause us to become filled with shame, which can cause us to become defensive against correction.

Being willing to take a look at our own shortcomings means we prioritize loving and connecting with others more than we prioritize protecting our own egos.

When we start to embrace all of these truths . . .that God wants us to humble ourselves, that we are loved no matter how we fail, and that other people are so important that we need to lay down our egos for them, we will “get above” relational conflict when it happens. We will become champions for relational peace. We will find joy in facilitating reconciled relationships. Love will become our main motivator instead of protecting ourselves by pointing a finger and saying everyone else is wrong but us.

Before we say it’s someone else’s fault, we need to consider if perhaps the conflict we have been having in our relationships is because we have contributed to it by relating in unhealthy or unloving ways.

Of course, we do not need to take responsibility for outcomes that aren’t our responsibility, and we don’t need to operate from false guilt. But when we have failed or we have sinned against another, Lord, let our hearts be tender and also strengthened by humility and the confidence of your love so we can be peacemakers and deliverers of reconciliation.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).


Lord, I need your strength and the assurance of your love to be able to humble myself when I am wrong. Amen.


Do you need to admit your fault to someone you have hurt? Go to them today, confess your sin and be reconciled.

Related Reading

Proverbs 29:22; Ecclesiastes 7:9; Ephesians 4:31; Proverbs 15:18

Worship Resource

Maranatha Singers: Humble Thyself in the Sight of the Lord


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