October 15, 2016

Relational Stalemate

Written by Boyd Bailey


Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – October 15, 2016

And the spirit of the king longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon’s death.   2 Samuel 13:39

A relational stalemate is separation from someone with whom you have enjoyed good times in the past. You have loved each other with a rare level of relational understanding. You both have a lot invested, yet there is no communication from either of you. Misunderstanding may have led to disappointment, and disappointment may have led to anger, and anger to total rejection. In whatever circumstance you find yourself, it is not worth maintaining relational separation. The distance needs to be dissolved. You owe it to each other, your family, the Christian community, and you owe it to God. There is a debt of love that is begging to be paid.

So where do you start? A good place to start is for the one in authority to make a genuine gesture toward reconciliation. You may want to invite your estranged friend or relative into your home for a meal and conversation. Reach out to this person without any expectations other than to accept and love them at their point of need. Leave any behavior and attitude change to the work of the Holy Spirit. Your first step of acceptance will at least breach the wall of communication. It may take multiple lobs of love before there is any reciprocation, so be persistent and trust God with the results. It takes time for relational stalemates to become resolved, so don’t stop initiating. Increase your overtures of acceptance.

Moreover, be open to a mediator. God can use a third party as a catalyst to break the chains of relational resistance. Wise and discerning friends—or even strangers—can be facilitators of rational thinking. Prayerfully choose someone both parties respect and will respond to willingly. This unbiased individual can be an instrument of healing sent by heaven. God can use a mediator to send forth His truth, so pray for someone with a spirit of gentle boldness who can keep you focused on facts and on the character of Christ. This godly bridge builder may be just what’s needed to break the relational logjam.

After all, how much is it worth to be relationally whole again? How much is it costing you to remain stuck in this relational stalemate? Your Savior, Jesus, wants you to move beyond this relational rut. He knows that your relationship with Him will be impeded until you can come clean with your parent, your child, your employee, your employer, your husband, your wife, or your friend. Relational blockage with people contributes to blockage of intimacy with the Almighty. There is something bigger at stake than just an estrangement on earth, as there is eternal estrangement brewing.

Your love for the Lord cannot be leveraged if you are not leveraging your love for others. Relational stalemates cannot be ignored. They are not going away, and will only grow in silent intensity. Ask God to give you grace so you can extend it often to the estranged. Then be quick to apologize, and even quicker to love. Your reconciliation to your heavenly Father invites reconciliation to others. Therefore, receive His forgiveness and extend it to the other. Trust God to begin breaking the relational stalemate, and pray for healing.

The Bible says, “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him” (Proverbs 16:7).



Heavenly Father, give me humility and courage to confess my wrong and ask forgiveness.


Whom do I need to seek reconciliation with, before I consider any new relationships?

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Relational blockage with people contributes to choking out intimacy with our heavenly Father. #WisdomHunters #DoubtTheDevil

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