Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – November 12, 2019
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5
I’ll never forget when I pounded my bed crying and screaming, “God, I hate you!” On that day in 1992 everything significant I had believed about myself, God, my relationship with Him, and His teachings seemed to die under the heavy weight of disappointment.
My heartbreak was excruciating, because it centered on a woman’s most intimate longing—romantic love. Like most women, I wanted to become a bride more than anything. Convinced that life would be unbearable if I couldn’t marry the man I loved, I pleaded with God to let me have him. In complete seriousness I asked, “Lord, if I never get married, would you please let me die?” The fact that I said that to God should have warned me that my desire was so all-encompassing that there could be an intense and dangerous reaction in me if He said no. (I was idolizing marriage and my boyfriend, and I didn’t even know it.)
I prayed kneeling, crying, begging, standing, sitting, and screaming, but the man I longed for married someone else. A subsequent four-year spiritual and emotional black hole sucked me into enemy territory where Satan had what my mother calls a “heyday.” I was in such emotional pain that I could no longer understand who God was or who I was to Him.
Because He didn’t give me what I wanted, I believed He had betrayed me, leaving me in a spiritually and emotionally messy place. If this is your story, you know that there are few things more painful.
In The Sacred Romance John Eldredge writes,
“Everyone has been betrayed by someone, some more profoundly than others. Betrayal is a violation that strikes at the core of our being; to make ourselves vulnerable and entrust our well-being to another, only to be harmed by those on whom our hopes were set, is among the worst pain of the human experience. Sometimes the way God treats us feels like betrayal.”
Ah, yes. It feels like betrayal. But is it? Are our perceptions wrong if we believe God has betrayed us when life hurts? Do we have some faulty expectations about God, ourselves, our relationship with Him, and the Bible? Are we confused about His heart and intentions toward us?
Of course, the answer to all of the above is yes. Our perceptions are wrong. In those moments when bad—even tragic—things happen, we must remember that our loving Lord has higher purposes that we just can’t understand—and the beautiful sacrifice of the cross reminds us of the Savior’s heart. It may look as if He has been unfaithful, but a God who would dare to die for you and I cannot be cruel. Whatever seems unkind now will all make sense one day in the light of His unchanging, steadfast, and faithful love.
“For the Word of the Lord is upright, And all His work is done in faithfulness” (Psalm 33:4).
Lord, thank you that you are always with me and that you will never leave me. Thank you for your comforting presence. I love you. Amen.
If you are in a season where you are having a difficult time trusting God, if you believe He has let you down, one of the most difficult things to do is to let go of the need to know why so you can rest in His love and He can give your heart peace. Talk with Him about this today and if you have not surrendered, tell Him you trust Him.
Whatever seems unkind now will hopefully, one day, make sense in the light of God’s unchanging, steadfast, and faithful love. #WisdomHunters #letdown #Jesus
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